Monday, June 19, 2006

Thanks again Twisted Noggin for your comments. Your visits remind me that I am not living inside some vacuum and that there really is life on this planet. I intend to visit others' blogs soon...but I am really tired tonight...perhaps tomorrow night.

Ever just sit in the deep of night and listen, feel, sense what is around you? There is something so energizing in the silence; the quiet hiss; the distant sounds; the cover of darkness. I should feel lonely, but I feel energized. I should sleep but I want to soak it in.

Have you ever gone through the motions of living out a given moment or situation while pretending someone was watching you...someone who was admiring you from afar and so every move became a gesture beckoning them? I have never done that (of course)... but if I had it would have been just some silly game I learned to play with myself long ago to keep from facing what seemed to be the awful truth that no one saw, no one cared and no one was watching...ever (though I was wrong). I better look out or I will have every shrink on the planet trying to sucker me into therapy! LOL.

I think one very kewl result of that experience though is the fact that I am sensitive to those who suffer from the same loneliness and so I can reach out to them when they need it most...if I can get over me long enough to see them.

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

This is my initial voyage into this medium so bear with me if I don’t follow the typical pattern…but then that IS somewhat the typical pattern for me!

I am finding it difficult to locate a jumping-in point to this seemingly endless river of thoughts and ideas inside me. The river's swift current makes it difficult and this is compounded with a concern that I could easily paint some inaccurate picture of myself…some façade…when words on a page are the only brush and canvas with which I am to paint this self-portrait...and should I jump in mid-thought someone may think I am crazy...but that doesn't scare me nearly as much as someone thinking I am normal...eeekkk! I am thinking it will take some time to really do the job. But then if I am truly transparent on this path into the deep I will be defined more in the wake as the waves close behind me rather than by my focused endpoint. My point: I think oftentimes others do perceive who we are and what our impetus is and it is we ourselves that are clueless! about me:
I am a spiritual person. I believe our life begins in the realm of the spirit, is affected by the realm of the spirit and our soul and spirit return there when the temporal portion of us fulfills its allotment in this dimension of time.

I am a passionate person. I feel and believe deeply and my convictions run deep. However, contrary to popular belief, I do not believe I have been everywhere, done everything nor have I bought every t-shirt that has presented itself along the way, thus I am open to conversation and debate on even the deepest levels. I feel that if we disagree on anything, our conversation, if civil and intelligent, will either expose my shallow deception or it will serve as a catalyst for my belief. If I am wrong then our conversation will have made me a wiser man, for which I may bark at the onset, but will be grateful. If my belief stands then I am stronger in it and thus less threatened and more understanding with others who hold opposing views. I believe that good, honest conversation can be like iron sharpening iron.

I am, at the deepest level of my being, a musician, a songwriter, a player of music and song. Within my heart, soul, mind and spirit is a seeming endless stream of melody, cadence and lyric. There is a part of me, deep within my soul and spirit, that seems to only find expression as I play on my instrument. But then, there is at least one other medium that flows from the innermost part of me though both are tied and flow together. I want to follow my destiny even though I sometimes feel like a salmon swimming against the current...